How to help yourself and your children coping with anxiety during this time of COVID-19
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Your self-care could not be more important than at a time when you are needed most. While we are learning the appropriate ways to prevent COVID-19 from spreading from reliable sources like the CDC such as washing our hands thoroughly, keeping social distance, eating healthy to maintain strength, appropriate cleaning, it’s imperative to attend to our emotional needs as our emotions affect our body and overall wellness. If you’re caring for others such as family members, young children or as a person on the front line, please know your care is important too. I often think of the airplane “oxygen mask” routine in times like these: Give yourself care and you are better able to care for those who need you. Caring for yourself is not selfish. It is imperative.
STOP & ACT
S= Stock Up. Have you stocked up on items you need to care for yourself as well as others? You need the basics as well as things that may help you personally such as getting an enjoyable magazine, scented candle, ..ok…yes…even chocolate…perhaps a notebook for journaling and art materials for self-expression…(see my list in previous blog for 100 ways to cope with anxiety under 45 minutes and under $10). There are numerous ways to go online to benefit from resources such as museums and libraries.
T= Think. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with so much information. Can you limit your digest to three reliable sources for information to rely on and check in periodically as needed per day? Can you identify your feelings and think of them in context so you do not get overwhelmed? (See previous blog “What If?” to “What is?” thinking)
O=Options. It’s easy to get trapped in black & white thinking when we feel very stressed especially if you have survived a previous trauma. Taking time to think of options you have, may create distance between extremes in thinking. Some ways to address stress especially in time of social distancing may be: Reading books and magazines that are positive, learning a new language online, getting outside for fresh air, cooking healthy family recipes or new recipes, meditating, resting, making art, playing games/puzzles etc.)
P=Practice. Practice living with balance by checking in to these four areas: Ask yourself “What are my physical needs, emotional needs, social needs & spiritual needs?” (see previous blog)
ACT
A=Altruistic Acts. Calling an elderly neighbor, waving to police officers and thanking them and/or making a simple gift for another are ways to be altruistic. These simple and random acts of kindness can make us feel connected and go a long way—not only for ourselves but for others too.
C=Compassion. How can you be compassionate to yourself? This is the time more than ever to speak loving words to yourself and to others. Replace self-criticism and judgement with loving and positive phrases and words. Notice and acknowledge what you are doing and what others are doing and thank yourself and thank others. Starting a gratitude journal can help realize simple goodness and therefore seek it and give more of that good light.
T=Talk healthy. Be sure to tell yourself positive and life-affirming statements and choose those peeps in your life that do the same. Negativity is toxic. So choose those peeps that are encouraging, hope-filled and loving and offer the same to them and to yourself. Be good to you—it is healthy and not selfish.
Helping Children? For children it may be difficult to process what is happening. They look to adults for love and support. Here’re ways to give them VIP CARE:
VIP CARE
V=Validate their feelings. While it may be well intended to tell them “not to worry” when they are feeling anxious as their schools close and they may be limited playing with their friends with social distancing, it is important to ask them how they feel and not to tell them what to feel. This opens the way for them to feel, to be understood and to develop trust especially when things feel so uncertain with their limited ability to understand what is happening as children. Help them find the words for feelings if they cannot find the words. Some children express feelings with visual images better than words.
I=Inform them cautiously. Children are curious. So give them simplified information that they can understand with their level age-appropriate understanding. It’s a delicate balance between overwhelming them and being honest. Just know that they know something is profoundly happening and some information can help, but keep it simple and positive as not to alarm them. Be sure to limit and/or monitor their on-line use especially 2 hours before their bedtime.
P=Practice personal care. Help them care for basic health needs attending to physical, emotional, spiritual and social needs. Encourage continued best practices and routines that have helped in the past as well as learning new ways of coping and self-care. Remember that you are their best role-model.
C=Check in with them. Be sure to check in with your children to make sure they are not isolating in fear or being overwhelmed. Be sure to ask them questions that are open-ended (not questions that are answered with a “yes” or “no”). You may ask them “How did you sleep last night? Did you have any dreams?” instead of “Are you okay?” which may be answered with a superficial “Yes.” You may want to be careful not to overwhelm them with your feelings. Check-in with them before or during meals or 3x a day (as not to overwhelm them with over-checking.). Sometimes children may regress emotionally when stressed. So be aware and know that it is not intentional.
A=Altruistic acts. Helping a child cope by doing altruistic acts reminds them that they are not alone and that they are connected with their micro and macro communities especially in times of social distancing. Can they make a card for the police department or send a text to an elderly neighbor? How about crafting a birthday gift for a family member? Telling the postal carrier “thank you” as they walk away having delivered the mail? Creating a banner in the front yard with freezer paper sending out a message of hope and love to neighbors? See my mandala sidewalk chalk art ideas on Instagram at #mandalahugs (Allow for each person to remain 6’ from the center of the circular mandala while individually basking in light, color, and the love from the metaphoric “hug” that the mandala gives. Always remain 6’ from others to abide by social distancing.)
R=Reassure them with your words and actions. Reassurance registers with children when your positive words mirror yours and others’ positive actions. Yes, it’s okay to tell them everything will be okay… and show them. They understand their world best with what they can see, feel, hear, smell, and touch. This happens directly with your showing them this with a hug or kind acts. Also broaden how the larger community is in action too: Let them know how hard local merchants are working to bring goods to the stores, how their fire department is on-call to help others, how hospitals are open all day and night to care for people, and let them know that they have caring professionals—teachers, doctors, therapists, etc. that are there to help them too.
E=Empower them. Help them make healthy choices that have healthy and positive consequences. This may be addressed with good food choices, attending to physical needs, choosing daily hygiene, socializing with “close” kindness even if physically distant, praying if this is in your family practice and/or other spiritual ways you practice, and having choices to express feelings and emotions with positive outlets. Children will often seek attention. If you give them positive ways to receive it, they will be less inclined to choose negative ways to get it.
I wish you and your family and friends good health during theses times. Be safe and well. If you should need to reach me, I am available for telemental health therapy. Please feel free to contact me at 610.329.1684 for a free 15-minute consultation.
